Me:Why am I always out of breath! Breathing as if I've ran for miles. When I wake up, when I go to bed. I'm thirsty, I am hungry...I am empty. And the pain of it is worse that and cruel comment made to me, worse that physical pain, its a deep, deep pain in the center of my chest, that no man, no hobby, nothing can heal. I am restless. My soul is constantly in a race, first place. My mind races, my heart races, my emotions...race.
God:STOP! Stop with your offense, stop with your bitterness, stop with your depression, stop with your insecurity, stop with your sadness, stop with your anger, stop with your un-forgiveness, stop with your controlling ways, stop with your crying, stop with your pain, its self inflicted! You play your past over and over again like a song on your playlist. You replay the pain. And you run, and run and run. When will you stop running? When will you stop closing the door on everyone?
Me:I can't... This is all I know. To be a runner! To be as tall as a mountain, hard as a rock, forceful, sturdy and unmovable. I will run and trample on everything in site and I will finish my race in isolation. Where... its just me and... no one else. It's where I'm safe... it's where I find my rest. Alone...
God:No... find your rest in Me. My word says But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. If you are going to run, then come running back to me. I have not moved away from you but you have moved away from me. Every time you run, I come running after you, I come to rescue you...because I love you. You're my daughter. I see your pain, I see inside of your heart, it's dark, scared, and bruised. But you even shut me out. Come back, let your heart find rest in Me. Over the mountain and over the sea, I'll come running after you, to heal your heart and bring you joy again.
Me:...No, I have to be strong. I will not allow myself to be weak. I can do this on my own.
God:Without me you can do nothing. I am the vine and you are the branches, abide in me.
ME:I AM BROKEN! CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, CAN'T YOU SEE THAT? NOTHING AND NO ONE CAN FIX ME. I AM SHATTERED TO PIECES, PIECES TOO SMALL TO BE PUT BACK TOGETHER. CAN YOU PLEASE JUST LEAVE ME... LEAVE ME...leave me. I have tried all my life to crawl out of this dark well I am stuck at the bottom and I cry out for people to hear me, but no one does. I am stuck with no way out. Why not die here where I am? I've been here so long. Stop trying to fix me, just leave it ok.
God:I won't leave it, and I won't leave you. I love you with an everlasting love. This love never ends. It never dries out. It's unconditional and you don't have to work hard, you don't have to earn it. It's free and its found in Me. All you have to do is take it. You are living in a prison and you hold they keys to escape but you decide to stay locked up in darkness. Free yourself and come home to Me. I will give you rest. In my presence is the fullness of Joy. The closer you get to Me depression will melt off of you, anger will subside, you will feel secure, your joy will return, you will become soft again. Trust Me. Believe me...like you use to. Remember?
Me:Yes I remember. I remember when I was always smiling, everyday felt like heaven. I laughed and I danced. I was whole. I was a free woman. Your presence was all around me. I'd sing and play music to You. You were in my heart and my soul was satisfied. I had tears of joy and not of sorrow. You were all I wanted and needed and I was content with You...but I...it was me who ran from You.
Me:You were always here for me! You were in my dreams and in my daily life. I will return to my first Love. Ia m convinced, my heart and soul believe that there is no place that "id rather be than in your presence, in your love in your rest. Stop me in my tracks. Fill me up to overflow. Your words says that those who hunger and thirst for righteousness shall be filled. I quit, I'm done running. Knock down all my defenses, destroy my walls and permeate my soul once again.
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