Stop my Restless Heart in it's Tracks Lord!

Me:Why am I always out of breath! Breathing as if I've ran for miles. When I wake up, when I go to bed. I'm thirsty, I am hungry...I am empty. And the pain of it is worse that and cruel comment made to me, worse that physical pain, its a deep, deep pain in the center of my chest, that no man, no hobby, nothing can heal. I am restless. My soul is constantly in a race, first place. My mind races, my heart races, my emotions...race. 


God:STOP! Stop with your offense, stop with your bitterness, stop with your depression, stop with your insecurity, stop with your sadness, stop with your anger, stop with your un-forgiveness, stop with your controlling ways, stop with your crying, stop with your pain, its self inflicted! You play your past over and over again like a song on your playlist. You replay the pain. And you run, and run and run. When will you stop running? When will you stop closing the door on everyone?


Me:I can't... This is all I know. To be a runner! To be as tall as a mountain, hard as a rock, forceful, sturdy and unmovable. I will run and trample on everything in site and I will finish my race in isolation. Where... its just me and... no one else. It's where I'm safe... it's where I find my rest. Alone...


God:No... find your rest in Me. My word says But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. If you are going to run, then come running back to me. I have not moved away from you but you have moved away from me. Every time you run, I come running after you, I come to rescue you...because I love you. You're my daughter. I see your pain, I see inside of your heart, it's dark, scared, and bruised. But you even shut me out. Come back, let your heart find rest in Me. Over the mountain and over the sea, I'll come running after you, to heal your heart and bring you joy again.


Me:...No, I have to be strong. I will not allow myself to be weak. I can do this on my own.


God:Without me you can do nothing. I am the vine and you are the branches, abide in me.


ME:I AM BROKEN! CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, CAN'T YOU SEE THAT? NOTHING AND NO ONE CAN FIX ME. I AM SHATTERED TO PIECES, PIECES TOO SMALL TO BE PUT BACK TOGETHER. CAN YOU PLEASE JUST LEAVE ME... LEAVE ME...leave me. I have tried all my life to crawl out of this dark well I am stuck at the bottom and I cry out for people to hear me, but no one does. I am stuck with no way out. Why not die here where I am? I've been here so long. Stop trying to fix me, just leave it ok. 


God:I won't leave it, and I won't leave you. I love you with an everlasting love. This love never ends. It never dries out. It's unconditional and you don't have to work hard, you don't have to earn it. It's free and its found in Me. All you have to do is take it. You are living in a prison and you hold they keys to escape but you decide to stay locked up in darkness. Free yourself and come home to Me. I will give you rest. In my presence is the fullness of Joy. The closer you get to Me depression will melt off of you, anger will subside, you will feel secure, your joy will return, you will become soft again. Trust Me. Believe me...like you use to. Remember?


Me:Yes I remember. I remember when I was always smiling, everyday felt like heaven. I laughed and I danced. I was whole. I was a free woman. Your presence was all around me. I'd sing and play music to You. You were in my heart and my soul was satisfied. I had tears of joy and not of sorrow. You were all I wanted and needed and I was content with You...but I...it was me who ran from You.


Me:You were always here for me! You were in my dreams and in my daily life. I will return to my first Love. Ia m convinced, my heart and soul believe that there is no place that "id rather be than in your presence, in your love in your rest. Stop me in my tracks. Fill me up to overflow. Your words says that those who hunger and thirst for righteousness shall be filled. I quit, I'm done running. Knock down all my defenses, destroy my walls and permeate my soul once again.

Love... Jesus I Love You

Love...Jesus, I Love You

            Love… this word is so common today. Jesus said to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Do we really do that? How many empty “I love You’s” do we offer up to God? So many. Just stop for a brief moment and think about your relationship with God. Where is it? Is it strong? Does your relationship with God fuel the flame in your heart to keep pressing on towards the mark of the high calling of God on your life? God is looking for someone loyal to him. He’s looking for that heart that says “Yes, I choose you Lord” God is not looking to force you to love Him but He is looking for those who voluntarily choose to love Him. Those who will consecrate, separate and dedicate their lives completely to Him, most of all saving their heart for God only. He wants us to experience His love, a pure and undefiled love. A love that doesn’t use us for selfish gain, a love that isn’t conditional, a love that is not earned. But a love that is complete satisfaction, that fills every void we feel. His love is a love that never runs out. It’s a feeling of completion. God desire us. He wants us, He continually searches for those who have abandoned the world to pursue Him.

We must learn to receive the love of the Father. But before we receive His love we must clear out every dark area in our hearts. Letting go of everything our hearts are attached to. Unclean relationships, unclean thoughts, addictions, and so much more. We can’t go forward in life hanging on to both worlds, loving God and the world. But we can only receive His love with a pure heart. As we receive His love in faith, He will flood our hearts with light, and we will be awakened to the God of Love. Our confidence in who we are as a son and a daughter of God will cause us to have faith that moves every obstacle, every doubt in our minds and hearts that satan has planted. Every lie will be uprooted. Our desire and longing should be for nothing to hinder our love for God, because there’s nothing that can hinder or separate us from the Love of God. We need to yearn for Him in every aspect, look to Him in every decision in live and love Him with all our heart. Jesus being our everything, and nothing can change our love for Him.

I personally experienced love. Not necessarily the way I am use to seeing love, but I know without a doubt it was the love of God, the Love of a Father. I went through a very hard time in my life a couple of years ago and it got to a point where I had to take a break from ministry. I use to think love was the same as provision. I grew up never lacking anything. So God couldn’t show me His love through what I was already use to, which was provision. Instead He showed me His love through taking everything away, including what was most dear and precious to me, my ministry. In that season of my life it was tough to not be used for anything, to take a break and not do what I am strong and great at which is music ministry. But in that season I saw how much God loved me that he would take everything away until it was just Him left. He was the only one I could turn to. He was the only one I could find hope in, the only who held my future, and I had no choice but to turn to Him.

During this season is where this song “Jesus, I Love You” came about. When I sat on my bedroom floor reflecting on my life. I began to play the piano, just attempting to worship God, even though I felt nothing. But I began to worship anyway and play and I just thought about how God chastens those He loves. How correction is not out of hate, it’s out of love. I thought about how God allowed everything to fall around me so that I could just turn to him finally. I immediately just kept telling Jesus, I love Him.

Rather than asking “Why me” “Why this way” I just told Him I love Him. And how I wanted my relationship with Him to trump everything I think and do in life. That is how we all need to live. If you love God, then show it through the way you live, not by just the words you say. Love is a decision, decide to completely consecrate your heart for God. Stop giving your love away and your heart away to things that waste away, to things that suck the life out of you, and definitely from things that cause you to not trust anymore. Leave unclean friendship or relationships alone, stop wrapping your soul around social media and its drama. Save your heart for the one who will never break it, bruise it and abuse it. Jesus Christ, our King! The King of hearts, the same Jesus that healed thousands, died on the cross, rose again and now sits at the right hand of God, is the same Jesus, that will touch your heart with his pinky and make it whole again.

Choose to love Jesus! In your spirit there is a longing that you cannot deny. There’s something inside that just doesn’t quite feel complete. Yes you are a Christian, but sometimes you get that feeling of loneliness, let Jesus touch your heart and heal that. Express your love to Jesus. 

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me?... Is that so?

Philippians 4:11-13-11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Want to know what I have realized in life? Everyone quotes verse 13 and they are not even in a situation where they have run out of all of their own strength to even draw from the strength of God.

Wanna know what we ask God strength for? To apologize to someone who we feel doesn't treat us right. Or strength to pass an interview for a job. Or strength to get over a common cold. Strength to stop being upset about something.

Petty, small things that take humility not the strength of God. Why do we do that? Why do we quote scriptures so lightly? Why do people say "I am content, I know how to be with plenty and how to be without" when they have never been without? They have never been hungry to the point of insanity. People ask for strength when they have never been weak?

People say they have seen God move in someone else life but not their own, they only know God from someone else point of view. There is no personal relationship. They just have the knowledge of God and not connection. They talk and talk and talk TO God... and don't talk WITH God, meaning an actual conversation.

Who are we kidding. Do you think that you can stand before God at the end of the race and you know how to respond in His presence or will you look at Him as if it's the first time you have met Him? Or even, will He look at you as if He doesn't know you?

Out of anything in my life right now, I don't want LOVE, I don't want MONEY, I don't want FUN, I don't want FAME, I don't want MATERIAL THINGS, I want to be in the WILL OF GOD. I want MY FAMILY to be together, so we can run this race together.

Life narrows down to 2 THINGS when death is waiting to consume us... GOD and FAMILY. When people lay on their death bed, they aren't asking for their car, their money, their house... THEY ASK FOR THEIR FAMILY AND THEN THEY WANT GOD.

What is driving you? Stop and ask yourself that? What is pushing you forward in life? What is the driving force behind your passion? Is it success, religion even? Money, insecurity???

Think about it, examine your heart...

The First and Greatest Commandment

Jesus said in Matthew 22:37-38- 37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
38 This is the first and great commandment.

I love this commandment because it now puts the responsibility on us to love God. A lot of times when people give their lives to Christ, its either out of fear of going to Hell or it out the understanding that Jesus loves them. And there's nothing wrong with that it's true, Jesus loves us.                         Usually when people get saved they always hear "Jesus loves you" "God loves you that He gave His Son to die on the cross" Which is all true. But rarely if at all do people tell someone " God loves you and now you have to love him back" We are all taught

John 3:16- For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, so that we should not perish but have everlasting life" beautiful scripture. But who is told

Matthew 22:37-38-Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.38 This is the first and great commandment.

              Jesus didn't give his life for nothing, there is an exchange. His life for ours. Many people will argue that and say "No it's a free gift" Yes it is however, the way God works is "obedience then blessing, miracles and more" More of God, comes with a price. To love God with all your heart, soul mind and strength!
              When you love someone, you will realign everything in your life for that person. You will stop certain behaviors, you will think of that person all the time. While at work, before you sleep.
We need to love Jesus with that same love, and devotion.

             With our hearts, making him the priority again, with our minds, casting down every thought that sets itself up against the obedience of Jesus, negativity, with all of our souls, expressing ourselves in praise and worship and not holding back our emotions from God and with all of our strength lifting your hands in worship because you are in love with the very God who created you, who put your family together, who gave you peace in your mind.
I know for me I will forever be grateful that MY GOD whom I LOVE, set me free from every single addiction, lie, and shame that I was living in!
              So ultimately we are supposed to love God, He prove His love to us already on the cross. How will you prove your love to Him? Are there addictions that you still hang on too? Drugs, alcohol, cursing and lying? Are you in a relationship that is unclean or just bad for you?
There are things you have to give up if you love God. It's no different than a marriage, when you marry or even just get into a relationship, there are some things you now have to change and even want to change because you love that person.
Love God, stop only receiving and give. Love is shown through action and not just words.

Spirit of God

            

             I love the feeling that comes when the Spirit of God fill a room. It's one thing for the presence of God to visit, but it’s another thing for the presence of God to dwell somewhere. Without the presence of God we are like fish out of water. We were created in His presence. It's our very nature to be in the presence of God. So many churches act like it's so hard to get God to show up, and it’s not. He is simply looking for a people whose heart is for Him. He is not looking for the biggest church, or the best sermon. The bible says he searches the heart of man. What's in that heart? Does it look like His? Or inside do you still agree with some of the things that are not of God that we tend to think are harmless. 

               The bible talks about how in God's presence is the fullness of joy! How where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom, liberty! In God's presence, there is healing and deliverance! There's hope and faith arises! In His presence hearts are healed again. God’s presence is made known in every living thing. Whether people want to believe God is real doesn’t even matter, because His proof is all around, its even in the very person who is doubting.

               No man on this planet in history all the way until today can prove that God DOESN’T exist. We really think that our peanut brains can comprehend the vastness of God. Don’t get me wrong God has made some people genius’s but, even the smarted man on earth, Steven Hawkins, thinks there is no God. If you ask me that’s not a smart thing to believe.

               The bible says in Psalms 14:1- The fool says in his heart, "There is no God." Hey, that’s God’s words not mine lol don’t get mad at me I’m just the messenger.

               I 100% don’t believe that Atheists exist on this planet… I didn’t make a mistake in what I said. You may be thinking “Sierra, there are Atheists everywhere saying that there is no God” Let that “Atheist” be near death, let that plane begin to plummet to the ground with him in it, let him be at gun point and in danger, let a loved one’s life be in the balance, He will call on God, that “Atheist” will pray. Why??? Because in EVERY human heart there is a knowing, that something is out there, God.

              Everyone is searching, every religion is born out of someone’s opinion of God. Everyone’s looking, who is this God, where is He?

              A lot of people blame God, the very same people who say there is no God, blame the God that they don’t believe in, which is God, for everything wrong that happens in the world…yet….they… don’t believe in God… but they are mad at Him? OK…LOL I’M CONFUSED.

              People know there is a God, they just don’t like Him and His ways. They tend to tell Him what He ought to be doing. Everyone knows there’s “something” out there, however few actually seek and find Him. The bible says

Acts 17:27
that they would seek God, if perhaps they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us;

Proverbs 8:17

"I love those who love me; And those who diligently seek me will find me.

            He is there… and you know it. And guess what if you seek Him, you WILL find Him. I promise. And you will find out that God is not who you think He is. He is not angry at you, mad at the world, He is kind and He is a real Father. He will give you identity, tell you who you are, build your confidence, provide for you, and tell you your purpose, something we are all looking for in life today.

          God is not far away. He is near. Pursue Him. He said if you take a step towards Him He will take a step towards you. He presence is all around, you just cannot recognize it yet. 

Waves of the Soul

             Is it just me or, do you sometimes feel awesome about yourself! You feel like you are sailing on a boat on a beautiful sunny day! Sky is a deep, beautiful, rich blue. Clouds are white as snow! Temperature is perfect about 75-80 degrees! You feel confident and strong and you feel like you can do anything! Your happiness comes from the fact that you know your purpose and you are walking in the call of God on your life! Everything is good! But then, the winds of change come! A breeze of cool air comes, causes goosebumps and a little shiver. You look to your left and right and gray, gloomy, heavy clouds are headed your way. Worry comes from your heart, panic, anxiety. And as you look up the beautiful blues sky is being swallowed by the gray monsters in the sky. Sun, gone. Temperature is now 50, and the winds are picking up. Waves are growing, up and down you go in the middle of no where, alone, isolated, full of fear. 

          That's something I experience every once in a while. It's something I haven't quite overcame but I am making so much more progress than I have in the past. I am a very sensitive person at times, I play it off and act tough but later on that night, I lay in bed thinking about what someone said to me. Wondering if they were right. Sometimes that alone can send me in a boat to the Island of "I" as my Pastor calls it. Depression is nothing but a trap. It's a trap from satan to try and get you all alone. Away from people who can keep you accountable and help you. 

Psalm 55:22 says- Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.

         We don't have to carry our cares around like a 100 pound ruck sack! Yes we are soldiers of the Lord but, we don't have to carry the weight of sin and depression on our shoulders. Those moments when you feel down, just speak God's word. Me, honestly, when I get in this wave of emotions, I watch Christian comedy and then speak His word over me, because I won't believe the words I speak if I am low. But when I am laughing and built up I will speak His word over myself and bind the enemy, and from that point on I am good!

        Depression is not a part of you, its a wave that comes, and it's a choice to ride that wave or to allow God to calm the storm. In the past I use to ride that wave, trying to get over it and it would grow and grown and sometimes I would drown. But now, I overcome when ti comes around and I am believing for it to be gone for good soon! In Jesus Name!

        I love to be open and share because we are all in this race together! No one is more holy than the other, no one is better than the other! We all are flawed in some way, shape or form, so why not be transparent and help one another!

       Here are some scriptures to help you if you feel like you sometimes are being overcome but the waves of depression!

Philippians 4:8- 8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Deuteronomy 31:8- 8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

Psalm 40: 1-3 -I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.

2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

3 He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in him.

Psalm 42:11- 11 Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

Time... one thing we cannot change!

     So... what do you do when you cannot rewind time? I heard a preacher say something that is so simple yet filled me with fear. He said " There is something in life that always moves forward, you cannot slow it down, you cannot stop it, you cannot rewind it no matter how much you pray and cry and wish and that's time!" Time only moves forward and no man can stop it. I think we waste so much time in life. We just act as if we have forever, God says tomorrow is not promised. The problem is we think we own our lives, so we do what we want, when we want, how we want with our lives. Not thinking that we have this one life to make a difference in someone else's life. What did you think? That you were created to just work a job, party, get married, have kids and die? Really? That's it? This gift of life, the make up of the human body and all of its mysteries, it's uniqueness, your mind, it's intelligence...wasted? Wake up! Time is running out. A guess what, that fog that you cannot seem to get out of... its no one but the devil keeping you from knowing your purpose. Keeping you from making the best use of time. He knows that if he can keep you wasting your time in life, that you will waste the very purpose that God created for you. Satan is afraid of the difference you will make, its why he continues to deceive you. 

      You may think, "what there's no devil in my life, trying to keep me from doing anything." Do you really think he is walking around with horns and a fork, or with big sharp teeth and a scary voice? No, he is very appeasing. He is very sly, and very attractive. He is there to distract you, to get your eyes off of God, and good and to get your eyes on something that makes you feel good but in the end will harm you. He wants to gently destroy your life. Time... is running out. What are you doing?

       How long will you believe the lies? Until you are 100 years old? Forget about your past! Leave it behind! Move forward, like time. There are times and seasons that nature goes through, we can leave from it. You have winter, everything comes to an end, it dies off, falls off, withers away, freezes over. Then you have spring, new seeds begin to bud, new life, warmth, the sun is out more, the rain comes, but it washes away all the dead left overs, it causes growth and freshness. Summer, my favorite! Is where all creation is enjoying life, sun is out everyday, joy in the winds, happiness in the clouds, everything is green, healthy and alive! Here comes fall, still beautiful but fading. Getting cooler, windy and feeling fragile. but every season has its purpose. Every season is necessary for life to continue forward. Every season has a certain time to shine and then its over, even nature understands time. Why don't we?

    Why do we sit, and think about what we are not? Why do we sit and wish wish wish? Why don't we just get up and do something about it? Why do we waste time on the negative when there is so much positive just in the fact that we have lungs to breathe, feet to walk with, eyes to see? Is that not enough to make a difference? You don't have to be famous to make a difference, you don't have to have money to make a difference. Stop wasting time! God made you for a purpose. Stop letting the devil whisper lies to you, saying you are nothing. He's nothing! Learn to fight for your life and stop laying down letting others walk on you. Be tough, be strong and courageous! You are not weak! Be an over-comer, stop being a tumble weed blowing int he wind with no stability, be stable! Stand up! Speak out! Fight for your purpose, fight for your time! Or... you will waste time and when the clock gets here...00:00:00:01... what now? It's too late...Hey... stop wasting time!